


pH by Crownglass39

by crownglass39



Series: Bad Sex Series [3]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Bad Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 15:47:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2434304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownglass39/pseuds/crownglass39
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe Rodney should come with a disclaimer "Sex with Rodney McKay could be hazardous to your health".</p>
            </blockquote>





	pH by Crownglass39

  
pH by [Crownglass39](http://www.wraithbait.com/viewuser.php?uid=1382)  


  
Summary: Maybe Rodney should come with a disclaimer "Sex with Rodney McKay could be hazardous to your health".  
Categories: Slash Pairings > McKay/Sheppard Characters:  John Sheppard, Rodney McKay  
Genres:  Humour, Hurt Comfort  
Warnings:  None  
Challenges: None  
Series: None  
Chapters:  1 Completed: Yes  
Word count: 1782 Read: 2544  
Published: 11 Nov 2007 Updated: 11 Nov 2007 

Story Notes:

Beta'd by Jude; God only knows what I'd do without her.

I've worked at one eye doctor's office or another for over 11 years. When I was younger, I wanted to try to embarrass one of the doctors. I faked a phone call and said, "Hey Doc, I've got a patient on the phone who has semen in her eye and wants to know what to do." Without blinking or breaking his stride, he advised, "Irrigate, irrigate, irrigate!" I miss that doctor!

This is part of my "Bad Sex" series which includes: Juiced, Double Whammy, Drip and Oops, although all stories are stand-alone.

Chapter 1 by Crownglass39

"Jesus Christ, Rodney!" John shot up from his prone position on the bed and tumbled Rodney off him in an undignified heap. Both hands were covering his eye, which was tearing through his fingers. "What the hell?"

Rodney McKay actually looked ashamed; quite the feat, considering he was stark naked.

"I'm sorry!" His hands fluttered helplessly by John's face as John scowled at him like a pissy Cyclops. "I didn't know it would...reach...that far!" Without another word, he turned and ran to the bathroom, where John heard the water running.

When he came back, Rodney was clutching a wet washrag, dripping a line from the bathroom to where John was sitting, bent over, at the edge of the bed. "Here... let me..." Rodney tried to dab at John's face, but he couldn't get past his fingers barricading the eye. He pulled at John's hands, and when that didn't do anything, he stood back with his fists on his hips. "Would you at least take your hands down, so I can _help_ you? And stop acting like I did this on purpose!"

He was the picture of a pissed off man, except for the fact that he was naked, disheveled, and was clutching a dripping washcloth. John would have laughed, if his damn eye hadn't stung so badly.

John lowered his hands, but his eye was still clamped shut. He glared daggers at Rodney with the other. "It fucking _hurts_ , Rodney!" John knew he was whining, but damn it, it **hurt**!

"Sorry, Colonel, but it's not like I meant to get you in the eye!" Rodney's tone was all snark, but his hands were gentle as he gently wiped at John's closed eye and that cheek. Then he went back and removed the worst of it from John's eyebrow, which was sticking up like a weird punk mohawk.

"What do you eat? Battery acid? Maybe we should bottle that stuff, in case we ever run out of mace."

"Oh, hardy har har."

Stamping back to the bathroom to rinse out the cloth, Rodney yelled over his shoulder, his voice a mixture of concern and pissy indignation. "It's not like I was _aiming_ for your eye! What are the odds? A thousand to one? A million to one?"

John muttered, "More like forty-two to one." He rubbed at his eye some more, because it still fucking _stung_. When Rodney appeared in front of him again, he was still holding the damn washcloth and ... eyewash solution?

Rodney crouched down in front of him, a look of concern clearly written across his face. When he reached for John with the washcloth, John didn't fight him. He pressed the cool cloth against John's eyelid and wiped patiently at the goo in his eyelashes. "You kept count?" Rodney asked, sounding awestruck.

"No!" John replied sullenly. Even to his own ears he sounded like a petulant 10-year-old. He couldn't help it. Why couldn't they just do things _normally_ and maybe without bodily injury?

"You did, didn't you? You kept count of how many times we've had sex!" Rodney sounded awed and stared at John like he had grown a second head. "That's just..."

"Just what, Rodney?" John was NOT in the mood for McKay's teasing on top of all this.

Rodney ducked his head, a move that John _knew_ he'd picked up from him. "Kind of romantic."

Breaking the awkward silence, Rodney held up the bottle of saline, "This will be easier if you lie down."

John glared, but did as he was told. "Do I even want to know _why_ you have eyewash solution in your quarters?"

Blushing, Rodney replied, "I sometimes bring my work back from the lab with me; you can't be too prepared, you know."

Rodney lied for shit. John fixed him with a hard look from his good eye. "Rodney?" he even used the tone that made the Marines wet their pants. If Rodney made a habit of shooting semen in people's eyes, he figured he should really find out about this now. Maybe Rodney should come with a disclaimer: "Sex with Rodney McKay could be hazardous to your health."

Maybe he should keep that last bit to himself, John decided; after all, he did like regular sex and hot showers and Rodney was definitely in a position to take both away from John.

With gentle hands, Rodney pushed John back down to the bed. "Tip your head a little, so this'll run out of the corner of your eye, and not into the other one." Rodney positioned John to his liking and gently flushed his eye with saline, which made its way down the side of John's face and into the hand towel Rodney had pressed there. The lukewarm solution streaming into his eye was uncomfortable, but at least the burning and stinging died down.

Rodney sighed but didn't let up with the saline. "I had a cat once who liked to sit with me when I took a shower," he confided in a conversational tone.

"And? What does that have to do with you keeping eyewash..."

Rodney cut him off. "Well, see, one day she got shampoo in her eye and ran off. It took me fifteen minutes of traipsing around naked, dripping water all over my apartment, to catch her and rinse her eye out." He smiled a little, remembering. "I got clawed in unmentionable places that day."

John chuckled, picturing the event.

"Anyway, I was lucky I had a roommate who wore contacts, so he had saline around. After that, I always made sure to keep some handy." The steady steam of water eased off. "I guess I never got out of the habit when we came here."

John wasn't sure whether he should feel honored or annoyed that he'd just been compared to Rodney's old cat, but he knew how much Rodney still missed the darn thing so he let it go.

Rodney sat back on his heels. "How's that feel?"

John blinked a few times, surprised to find the stinging almost completely gone. "Better. Much better."

Rodney gathered up the wet washcloth and empty saline bottle. "I suppose we should get you to the infirmary. You could have chemical conjunctivitis, and I don't want anything to happen..."

John wrapped his hand around Rodney's wrist. "Rodney. I'm fine." He looked so forlorn, John stood up and pulled him into a hug, the wet cloth and empty bottle stuck between their bodies. Their naked bodies.

It was amazing how something so wonderful could go south so quickly. Just minutes ago, John had been on his back watching Rodney ride him with abandon. He'd been really into it, grinding his ass into the cradle of John's hips and fucking himself hard on John's dick.

John had been just about to lose it himself when he'd felt Rodney clench around him and yell, "Oh God! Yes!" Seconds later, John had come striped over his chest and chin, across his cheek, and in his hair, and Rodney was scrambling off him to the bathroom, while John clutched at his stinging eye.

Rodney relaxed into John's hug and murmured into his neck, "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to, really!"

John kissed Rodney's shoulder lightly. " 'S alright. You can't help it that I made you come hard enough to break distance records."

"Yeah, you're a stud." Rodney pulled back and threw the washcloth in the general direction of the bathroom. He turned to John and backed him down onto the bed, crawled up John's body, and plopped down beside him. "You okay?" he asked, peering at John's eye again.

"Yeah, I'll live." Then after a moment he added, "Why'd that hurt so bad, anyway?"

"The pH." That's one thing that John loved about Rodney; abrupt changes in conversation never bothered him.

"What?"

"The pH of semen is lower than the pH of the eye, that's why it stings. It's more alkaline."

John turned to stare at him. "Why the _hell_ do you know that, McKay?"

"Genius here, remember?" Rodney absently stroked John's chest a few times before sliding his hand down lower. And then lower still. When he fondled John's balls John spread his legs helpfully.

"Yeah, you're a genius who owes me one orgasm with interest." John was pouting, but he didn't really care.

Rodney pushed John back into the pillows and moved down his body. His breath gusted over John's dick, which perked up immediately. The first lick from his balls to the tip of his cock had John fully hard.

"Happy to oblige," Rodney said, right before he wrapped his lips around the head of John's dick.

John loved to watch Rodney blow him; it was like witnessing a performance, a dirty, filthy, wonderful, orgasm-inducing performance.

Rodney looked up through his ridiculously long eyelashes while swallowing down more and more of John's dick. The sight of Rodney's lips stretched around his cock was erotic as hell, but John eagerly anticipated what he knew would come next. Rodney grabbed his hips and _pulled_ John in to him, fucking his mouth with John's dick. John didn't even know how Rodney could breathe like that, with John's cock rammed halfway down his throat, but Rodney loved it; he clutched at John's hips and moaned around him while swallowing him down over and over. John didn't know what was hotter, Rodney blowing him so spectacularly, or the fact that he was getting off on it as much as John was.

By the time John finally came, hands clutched in Rodney's baby soft hair, Rodney was hard again. He watched amused as Rodney got himself off, hand whipping frantically over his own dick. At the last second, just before Rodney came, he twisted his body to the side, winding up between John's legs with his face planted on John's inner thigh.

After they both settled from the aftershocks, John felt Rodney press a kiss to his thigh. John ran his hand through Rodney's hair, finger combing what he had messed up earlier.

Rodney chuckled.

"What're you laughing at?"

"Myself." The chuckles were building up to outright laughter.

"Why's that?"

Rodney snorted into John's hip. He actually snorted. "I finally learned to redirect the friendly fire."

Yep, Rodney was indeed a genius. John's genius.

This story archived at <http://www.wraithbait.com/viewstory.php?sid=12681>  



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